A few months ago, we asked if there had ever been an underwear idea as bad as the c-string. Well ladies and gentlemen, here it is. BodyGeeks presents the “Boob Clamp”.

Sadly (or perhaps mercifully), the entire ad for this bizarre product is in Chinese, but in between the breast squeezing and “power-up” and laser sound effects, this product appears to promise to slim your entire body, suck fat from your belly into your breasts, stimulate breast growth and even tone your bum!

Aside from the obvious question of what you’re going to do when you actually have to take this thing off, revealing your unclamped boobs for all to see, the real mystery here is why aren’t all adverts like this?